The Only New Years Resolution Women Need
Well ladies….tomorrow is New Years Eve! How in the h-double-hockey-sticks did that happen?
I will call my “Moms-Take-Back-Christmas” plan 75% successful. I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I was hoping to, but as it came down to crunch-time, I slashed my priority list, ditched the last things that I just couldn’t possibly get to, and kept a handful of the things that were most important to me. I even squeezed in 30 minutes of driving through Christmas lights and singing Christmas carols (too loud and way off key, I might add) with the family, and only about 15 of said 30 minutes involved children screaming at each other. I will call that a total win. Or pretty darn close.
Sitting around the table tonight, my husband was explaining to the kids what a resolution is and asking them what they might want their New Years Resolutions to be…my 9 year old son understood and made a few realistic suggestions, and my 6 year old daughter obviously had a harder time grasping the concept and resolved to change her birthday to fall later in the year so that it isn’t so close to Christmas. Adorable.
The kids asked me what my resolutions were going to be and I lied. I told them I hadn’t decided yet. That isn’t true, but I don’t need to tell them about the one resolution I make every year. They need to focus on being little and I am happy that they don’t know exactly the messy, stressful, sleepless nights that go into mommy-ing. My resolution? I am getting closer to accomplishing it, although I never quite nail it. It is a suggestion I have for all women, not just moms. See what you think…
What would you think about having no guilt in 2019? Yup, an unimaginable concept. NO GUILT. It’s actually such a big statement that it is almost hard to picture. What would that mean? Letting go of the one thing that is embedded into every part of being a woman, a wife, a parent and someone who genuinely can’t seem to accomplish nearly all the things she sets out to do (I am referring to me there).
Is it possible? I don’t even claim to know the answer. Somedays I hit, and somedays I miss by 75,000 light years. Three years into this resolution and about 50% successful, but even the small steps make things easier.
What might this guilt-free-alter-ego/fantasy mean?
A lot of the times the right answer is yes. Yes is beautiful. Yes in empowering. Yes to helping others, to give your time, to do the birthdays, to pick up an extra shift, to go back to school, to coach, to read “just one more story”, to get up early and go to bed late somehow trying to tick one more thing off the list (that blasted never ending list!)…little things and big things we try so hard to squeeze in to our already overwhelming self-imposed expectations.
But what would it mean to say no sometimes? Even if it is last minute and possibly inconvenient for others? GASP. And to be even more liberated and not have the need to tell a lie about why, or even to skip the heart-felt, long-winded explanation? Instead just to say no, and remind ourselves that we’re doing the best we can, and then to let it go. Whew! What would that look like?
When you just know that one more tiny thing really might be the straw that poor camel has been dreading, the answer can be no.
There is only one way that it can work. Only one thing that we can do to lift the weight off of our own heavy shoulders….by encouraging other women to do the same thing! When we are on the receiving end of that disappointing phone call that says, “I really wanted to come, but I just can’t make it work”, remember how hard those words are to say and to change the dialogue from “but you promised” or “I was really counting on you” or other guilt-inducing words that we have learned (and heard, and even said) to “next time! I totally get it”.
Three-years and counting and this is still my only resolution. Not sure I will add a new one until I master this (is that even possible?). It feels like guilt is built in to the female DNA.
I have absolutely no credentials that give me the ability to be an advice-giver. I am a closet hot-mess. I am genuinely doing my best but some days I walk in the door and realize that I’ve got marker all over my face and my top is inside out. No joke, I have photos to prove it. Oh well. It could be worse. I am only sharing my recurring-resolution because it really seems to help. When, (occasionally) I get it right, it is shockingly freeing to keep doing the best I can and not feel bad about the rest. We get one life, and I am convinced that it is way too short for spending our days feeling guilty.
Happy New Year beauties. Here’s to 2019. Cheers.